i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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