My room smells like vodka and shame
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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