My liver just broke up with me...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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