yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize