pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
