repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
