I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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