Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
