Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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