also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
