I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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