The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
