cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
