i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize