I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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