So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
