i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
