he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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