Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
