Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
