Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
