can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
