I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
