They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
