my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
