Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
