So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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