She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
