look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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