Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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