I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
