Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
