Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
