i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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