So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
