I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
