Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
