On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
