how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
