Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
being pregnant is like rehab
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
