Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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