i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
