I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
