so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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