My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
