Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
