I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize