i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
