I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
