Already got asked if we're dating
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize