Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
