thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
