eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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