I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
