I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
