I wish I could punch you in the face.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
