Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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