I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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