Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
