You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We need to rekindle our bromance
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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