I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
