Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
cat food counts as protein by the way
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
