It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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