I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
