so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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