We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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