new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
