the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
