Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
