I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
