I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
