I can tuck mytits in my pants
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
