I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
