If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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