That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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