how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
