After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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