We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
