i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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