Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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