the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
