youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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