I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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