I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
