I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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