apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
