if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
