Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize