my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the day after is always just damage control
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
