First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
