In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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